When I wore first my submissive collar, I was motivated by the attention and acceptance that I suddenly received. I had perceived myself as an unwanted woman not deserving of love. I had been discarded by mainstream society and left alone to search for some sort of acceptance on the internet. I soon found it. By performing the lowest, most base acts, I found myself more accepted and valued than I had ever felt when trying to achieve more productive goals. By nurturing the foul cravings of the men who catered to my needs for attention, I found the love and acceptance I was lacking. I prided myself on becoming the most obedient, most sensual, most loving, slave a Master could hope to own. I was happy and excited in my new life. I felt accepted and loved at my lowest form.
But I found that I needed constant reassurance to do things because I didn���t really respect myself for doing them. I think the leaks began to spring in my canoe. I received some wonderful advice from a fellow blogger. He told me that he had seen more vile BDSM acts than he ever cared to witness. He had participated in things beyond my imagination and hoped for my sake that I never came in contact with minds such as his. He warned me ���learn what pleases you and set your limits.���
As I go on with my journey, I am bombarded with leather protocols, new tortures, definitions of behavior and relationships, and advise on how to be a better slave. People push to influence my lifestyle choice, my label. I identify myself as submissive, therefore I am constantly pushed to obey the protocols of all dominants. If you identify yourself as a plumber must you fix everyone���s pipes? Does one homeowner have the rights to the terms of another contract?
I���ve been trying to understand why those in the lifestyle tend to do this. I believe part of the motivation is to establish a culture of standardized behavior and a motivation of acceptance. However this serves to elevate the dominate overall by creating an instant respect by title alone. It serves the submissive by establishing a competition. Now we can define it, measure it, and compare it.
I don���t believe that my desire to serve and provide happiness is contradictory to my inherit questioning of authority.
I���ve never given respect easily. Respect is a feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something. That person must possess something like integrity, compassion, intelligence, bravery or accomplishment not just a self given title.
Self respect is first and foremost. I cannot debase myself, discard my intelligence, or lose that respect in serving another or I will not be able to serve to my fullest. I must respect myself, care for myself and be responsible for myself in order to serve.
I cannot expect on the on I���m serving to reassuring me that I am doing the right thing. I serve because I am devoted and I believe. I believe in his values, his honor, and his heart. I serve because I love and it makes me feel good.
I believe one must have integrity, and a principle or reason for being dominate over another. He must lead with purpose. His title, ego or sexual pleasure is not reason enough to earn this submissive���s respect or her service.
I hope the need for competition, ego, and standardization fade as our lifestyles are more accepted. When the freedom to choose our relationship structure is as open as our hearts, then we may be able to put aside the labels, definitions, jealousies, and games.
